if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
