I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
