im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
