I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
