you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
