i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
