I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize