this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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