She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
