I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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