i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
