I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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