Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
