It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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