Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
