How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
