Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
