just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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