phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
