Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
