You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
