my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The best revenge is premature balding
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
