I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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