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• (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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• (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte

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• (323): View more from California

  The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.

  (323): View more from California

  Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in

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• (807): View more from Ontario

  Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.

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