I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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