You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
