My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
