just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
