you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
