True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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