I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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