You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
