Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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