cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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