yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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