Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
