I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
