I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
