I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
