the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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