it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
