he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
