Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
