You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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