did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
