I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
