Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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