ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
