I bet he comes in French.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
