I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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