it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
