What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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