Sry I called you an 8
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
