i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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