Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
