Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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