It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
