If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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