apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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