It's Friday. Sex?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You are the jesus of drinking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
