okay pat passed out under dana's car
This girl is more easily done than said...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
