Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
