Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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