i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
