she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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