dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
