Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
