You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
