this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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