oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
