if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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