I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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