WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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