I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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