tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
