peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
