On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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