Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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