i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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