i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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