my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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