just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
