I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
