my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
