the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
