I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
