cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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