Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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